From Oscar bait to snake bait, here’s what to watch and what to dodge.
Fall movie season is here, which means Hollywood is serving us a buffet of sequels nobody asked for, Oscar bait that screams “prestige,” and the occasional gem that actually deserves a ticket. To save you time (and cash), we’ve slapped our Movie Night Energy ratings on each release, from Front Row Friday must-sees to Popcorn in the Trash disasters.
September
The Conjuring: Last Rites: Haven’t we exorcised this demon enough? Horror fans will show up like moths to a crucifix, but the thrills feel reheated.
Rating: 3️⃣ Couch View
Twinless: Dylan O’Brien pulls double duty in a dark comedy about grief. Quirky, layered, and could be the indie sleeper.
Rating: 2️⃣ Matinee Ticket
Downton Abbey: The Grand Finale: Tea, tears, and Maggie Smith’s dagger-sharp eyerolls. Fans will sob; everyone else will nap.
Rating: 3️⃣ Couch View
Spinal Tap: The End Continues: This goes up to eleven … again. If the jokes land, it’ll be comedy gold.
Rating: 2️⃣ Matinee Ticket
The Long Walk: Stephen King dystopia, bleak and brilliant. Expect brutal pacing and gut-punch emotion. (Did anyone read the book?)
Rating: 1️⃣ Front Row Friday
One Battle After Another: Paul Thomas Anderson + DiCaprio = Oscar bait deluxe. Cinephile heaven.
Rating: 1️⃣ Front Row Friday
Gabby’s Dollhouse: The Movie: Gabby and her Grandma go on a candy-colored, cat-packed adventure to save the dollhouse. Hyper, fun, and perfect for the kids (or nostalgic adults).
Rating: 2️⃣ Matinee Ticket
October
The Smashing Machine: Dwayne Johnson finally acting instead of winking. A Safdie brother brings grit and grime. Rating: 1 (Front Row Friday).
Anemone: Daniel Day-Lewis un-retires, directed by his son. Family drama dripping with Oscars. Rating: 1 (Front Row Friday).
Tron: Ares: Disney keeps insisting Tron is a thing. It’s not. Rating: 4 (Background Noise).
Frankenstein (del Toro): Oscar Isaac as the monster in a gothic del Toro fever dream. Gorgeous and haunting. Rating: 1 (Front Row Friday).
Bugonia: Yorgos Lanthimos and Emma Stone go full weird. Alien CEOs, cousin conspiracies … sign us up! Rating: 1 (Front Row Friday).
Mortal Kombat II: More fatalities, less originality. Best paired with greasy pizza. Rating: 4 (Background Noise).
November
Nuremberg: Rami Malek vs. Russell Crowe in a courtroom showdown. Heavy but powerful. Rating: 2 (Matinee Ticket).
Die, My Love: Jennifer Lawrence + Robert Pattinson in a Lynne Ramsay fever dream. Unsettling, unforgettable. Rating: 1 (Front Row Friday).
Now You See Me: Now You Don’t: The magic trick is making this franchise keep going. Rating: 4 (Background Noise).
The Running Man: Edgar Wright directs Glen Powell in a King adaptation. Smart, stylish action. Rating: 1 (Front Row Friday).
Wicked: For Good: Grande and Erivo belt their way through Oz. Event cinema, love it or hate it. Rating: 2 (Matinee Ticket).
Zootopia 2; Disney plays it safe, but Judy and Nick still charm. Rating: 2 (Matinee Ticket).
December
Wake Up Dead Man: A Knives Out Mystery: Benoit Blanc returns, Daniel Craig chewing scenery in Southern drawl glory. Rating: 1 (Front Row Friday).
Avatar: Fire and Ash: James Cameron’s latest Na’vi tech demo. Big, bloated, but undeniably pretty. Rating: 2 (Matinee Ticket).
Five Nights at Freddy’s 2: Animatronic jump scares for teens; critics will groan. Rating: 3 (Couch View).
Marty Supreme: Timothée Chalamet as a 1950s ping-pong dreamer in a Safdie fever dream. Weird enough to work. Rating: 2 (Matinee Ticket).
Anaconda (Jack Black & Paul Rudd): Giant snake reboot with comedy-horror vibes. This isn’t a joke, but maybe it should be. Rating: 5 (Popcorn in the Trash).
The Housemaid: Paul Feig pivots to psychological thriller with Sydney Sweeney and Amanda Seyfried. Intriguing risk. Rating: 2 (Matinee Ticket).
⚡️ Takeaways
- 🤩 Front Row Friday (1): The Long Walk, One Battle After Another, The Smashing Machine, Anemone, Frankenstein, Bugonia, Die My Love, The Running Man, Knives Out 3
- 🎟️ Matinee Ticket (2): Twinless, Spinal Tap, Nuremberg, Wicked 2, Zootopia 2, Avatar 3, Marty Supreme, The Housemaid
- 🛋️Couch View (3): Conjuring: Last Rites, Downton Abbey finale, Freddy’s 2
- 💥Background Noise (4): Tron: Ares, Mortal Kombat II, Now You See Me 3
- 🍿Popcorn in the Trash (5): Anaconda
What do you think? Leave your comments below. ⬇️
